The Value In Losing
It is easy to forget that being competitive is part of human nature. Since humanity emerged on this planet, we have competed for everything.
The world competes over limited resource. We compete to win love from one another. We even compete to see who can come up with the best ideas for new innovations.
Competition is
a good thing
Competition means learning the value in losing and winning
As a father, I know that competition helps to stimulate a child to become more creative. It allows a child to learn about the real world, and that competition is part of our daily life. It can help a child to work on goals and find solutions to problems. I think competition is something that every child needs to learn about.
As a parent, we need to remember that childhood is not only about being competitive, but it is about learning to enjoy life. I am determined I am not going to become one of “those” parents that place so much pressure on my son about winning that he forgets that childhood is about having fun.
A fine line
A friend invited us to cheer on her 11 year-old son at a basketball games this week. It is something that I knew our 4 year-old would like, so we easily decided to attend. While we were at the elementary school basketball game, one thing stood out of the crowd.
There was a father sitting in the stand yelling at his son on the court. He yelled at his little boy, he yelled at the referee and the coach. I feel confident that they all could hear the dad yelling, “You missed again! (cursing) Don’t miss again” or “Get it right next time (add a superlative here with the child’s name)!“
Now as an adult, I can ignore the words. I know they are just words. They are negative phrases that “tend” to hurt even when said in proper context.
If I were the coach or the referee, I would not hear the dad yelling at me from the stands. I would drown out the dads negative comments. However, as an 11 year-old little boy, I would not be able to drown out my father’s voice.
If I were the 11 year-old little boy, I would hear my father’s voice in the crowd. I would listen while he told me that I was not good enough and that I was incompetent. They would be words I would take into adulthood.
Are we to competitive?
Preparing for battle means you can lose.
I think there is truth in this question. People are competitive. I think, the way adults behave towards competition is a direct result of what they learn in childhood. Our parents are the first real motivators over the way we behave towards competition.
If a parent is yelling the phrase, “Don’t miss again!” it sounds as if you are giving an ultimatum to a child.
A better phrase would be, “Good try. You can make it next time.” it shows you are caring about a child and realize they are trying their best.
Winning is a crucial part of life. We should teach our children to become winners. There is nothing wrong with wanting our children to become successful. I do have a problem when we teach our children that winning is all we can ever do in life.
I want my son to become a winner, but I also want him to understand that losing is important too. Losing is as much a part of life as winning. Losing can give us valuable life lessons.
3 Things Losing Teaches
1. Losing teaches a person to appreciate the successes in life. If we never lost at anything, winning would become dull and unexciting.
2. Losing teaches good sportsmanship. It allows a child to believe that others can do a better job than them. It teaches them to become good losers, as well as winners.
3. Losing teaches a child to accept disappointments in life. It can give them the importance of trying harder at the things they do.
Responsible parenting
One of the responsibilities of parenthood is to teach our children that winning isn’t everything. We are going to lose sometimes. We can not always succeed at everything we do. We will become the most successful in life when we understand the value in losing gracefully.
I know when my son starts competing I will cheer for him. I will also remember that I can not keep him from all of life’s disappointments. I do not want to become the parent that makes him feel as if he has disappointed me because he did not win.
How do you feel about children competing? Do you think they should learn to lose as easily as win? Have you ever seen a parent act badly towards children at a sporting event? Tell me more in the comments!
Read my last post here Who Wants To Be A Cowboy?
Visit my home page and see more great posts on blogging, fatherhood, humor and life fast forward!
You can follow me on twitter @dadblunders or on my facebook fan page, Dadblunders.
Related articles
Tags: basketball game, coach, crowd, dad, human nature, negative phrases, new innovations, parents, real world, referee, school basketball
6 Comments
Trackbacks/Pingbacks
- 20 Things Every Boy Should Know - Dad Blunders - [...] Read my last post here The Value in Losing [...]
- 5 Benefits of Playing Games With Your Child - [...] – It is essential that a child learns the value in losing as much as winning (see The Value ...
I am very competitive and actually think losing is more important than winning. You learn from your mistakes and the quicker you learn that the better. Competition is what gives us motivation, so winning is still important, but it’s not everything. A great movie on competition is The original Bad News Bears. The movie is more about the parents & competition in America than the kids.
Robert,
Thanks for the comment! I have always saw more value in losing than winning. Winning is great but once your at the pinnacle it’s hard to improve. Losing gives us the opportunity to better ourselves and shows us that we should try harder.
The dad at the game just ticked me off because i saw no value in berating your child.
I have a question for you … did commentluv not give you the option of adding a link???
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
Aaron Brinker recently posted…Defining Dad Bloggers
Hi Aaron,
Superb post! You should see how parents are so worried about their children’s academics (in India I mean), that they simply don’t accept failure. Young children are more or less robots here!
Just pathetic, the example you mention. It becomes worse to read that a 11-year old is at the receiving end of all this. In such tender ages, children’s minds are pretty volatile and they usually believe in everything their parents say, so that accounts to bad parenting if I have to judge.
You say that parents are the real motivators and I totally agree with it. Earlier, you said that you’d read stories to Xander even before he was born and that you could feel real connection once he was born and I think that is one solid example of how children value their parents and thus they can be the greatest motivators that can ever live.
The way you highlight how losing is important is really good!
Thanks for sharing!
Awesome post!
Aditya
Aditya recently posted…Do You Give Yourself a Second Chance?
Aditya,
I can’t stand when I see parents like the one I saw. It always makes me reflect on other parenting styles and wonder what the other child’s life is like at home. I have had to investigate a few parents that had this style of parenting so I have a fairly good idea.
I had considered making a comment to him but I thought about having my 4 year-old son with me so I thought better of it. Hopefully the little boy went home to a pleasant experience and not a bad one. Life is about having fun too…not just winning.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
Aaron Brinker recently posted…20 Things Every Boy Should Know
I have made a point to help teach my kids how to lose. It is an important “skill” that helps people in life.
If you can’t handle adversity things can get very tough.
Jack recently posted…A Father Describes Parenting
Jack,
Agreed! You have to be able to handle losing. I never understand the parents that teach their children “you must win.” At some point in life they are bound to fail and then what????
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
Aaron Brinker recently posted…Are Superheroes Part Of Childhood?