Can Fatherhood Begin With Pregnancy?
Small Increments
Life changes when you have a child.
Many men discover their partner is pregnant and work towards fatherhood in small increments, e.g., keeping their partner happy, helping with the nursery and going to a class on parenting. They believe that fatherhood does not actually begin until they physically see a child.
The moment I discovered my wife was pregnant my life changed. We had wanted to have a child for years, and this was exceptionally good news. I knew that I did not want to become a “typical” father and feel useless for 9 months. I wanted my “future” son to at least know whom I was and know my voice (even if he could not see me).
Fatherhood Begins
In my opinion, when we conceive a child fatherhood begins. Fatherhood does not have to wait until a child is born. An unborn child is in the womb for nine months, listening and learning the familiarity of their mother’s voice. I remembered reading that a newborn could identify their mother’s voice over other women in a delivery room. It made sense to me that a baby could/would know a dad’s voice just as easily.
It sounds silly to a lot of parents, but I had “tummy time” every night. I determined I would bond with my son before his birth. I explained to my wife in detail that I could talk to him, read to him and sing to him. I was lucky I did not have to convince her because she thought it was a good idea.
“You’ll enjoy it. There is much you can learn from books and scrolls,” said Jeod. He gestured at the walls. “These books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life.”
- Jeod from the book Eragon by Christopher Paolini
Eragon was the first story I ever read to my son. Every night I would lean into my wife’s stomach and read to my unborn child. I would read with enthusiasm and use different voices for the characters in the book.
It never ceased to amaze me how my unborn son would respond to me reading. Often, Xander would kick me when I finished reading for the evening. I believe he was telling me to continue the story and not stop reading for the night. Reading to my son was some of the most fun my wife and I had during her pregnancy.
New Father
Fatherhood begins long before a child is born.
At Xander’s birth, the delivery room was full of strangers causing him to cry. Xan calmed quickly by my wife’s voice and touch. He began to become upset when they pulled him from her so the nurses could take measurements. I told my little boy, “Do not be scared. Daddy is here with you.” My son stopped crying immediately and looked towards me the entire time the nurses were with him.
I continued to talk to him in a soothing voice to comfort him. I have no doubt Xander knew whom I was at his birth. Other men would speak, and Xander would not even turn towards them. If I spoke, his head automatically moved towards the sound of my voice. I knew I had become a father.
No Doubt
I am sure there are some people who doubt that my son knew me. However, I participated in my wife’s pregnancy for 9 months by talking to my son. At his birth, my son did not cry much, as long as my wife or I spoke to him. Reading to my son was one way I was able to bond before his birth and experience fatherhood.
As I look back now, I wonder if reading Eragon to my son had more of an impact than I knew. Xander loves playing with castles, knights and toy dragons. He even tries to speak in a different voice while he plays.
In my opinion, the moment we conceive a child, fatherhood begins. There is no reason that a person can not bond with their child before birth.
As a father, It excited me because my wife and I, both instantly bonded with our son when he was born. Did anyone read to your children before they were born? If they did was there a favorite story that someone read? How bonded were your children to you and your partner when they were born? Tell me more in the comments!
I made a tweet the other day to @MaJenDome about reading to my son before his birth, and they asked me if I would share my story. The mission of the MaJenDome movement is to inspire expectant fathers to consistently read aloud to their children from the very beginning. I am telling my story about reading to my son because I believe it helped us to bond before his birth.
Read my last post here 5 Things I Never Wanted To Hear When Potty Training
Visit my home page and see more great posts on blogging, fatherhood, humor and life fast forward!
You can follow me on twitter @dadblunders or on my facebook fan page, Dadblunders.
This post can also be seen on The Good Men Project. They picked it up for their site.
Related articles
Tags: 9 months, eragon by christopher paolini, fatherhood, life changes, parenting, parents, unborn child, womb
22 Comments
Trackbacks/Pingbacks
- Fatherhood Does Not Have to Wait Until a Child Is Born — The Good Men Project - [...] printed on DadBlunders.com, and then brought to our attention by MaJenDome. Aaron explains the [...]
- Are Superheroes Part Of Childhood? - Dad Blunders - [...] Read my last post here Can Fatherhood Begin With Pregnancy? [...]
- Can Fatherhood Begin With Pregnancy? - Mantenatal - [...] Can Fatherhood Begin With Pregnancy? – Dad Blunders. [...]
- From Boyhood to Fatherhood - Dad Blunders - [...] Can Fatherhood Begin With Pregnancy? [...]
- Blogging Basics - Am I A Writer? - Dad Blunders - [...] Writing to me is a personal experience. I have kept journals since I was 15 year-old. I did not ...
This is a really cool post Aaron!
I wish more father would do something similar.
In my next book I wrote parenting (mother and father) starts two years before child birth.
By that I mean, making sure both mom and dad are ready for to care for a child, financially, mentally and emotionally.
Far too many ‘woops babies’ are being born today into homes that don’t really want a child and it shows
I love what you did: reading to your son in the womb.
That’s awesome!
Keep it up.
Daniel,
I believe that fatherhood begins long before a baby is born. Many father’s today “hear” they are useless during the nine months. I never thought that or felt it. I was able to participate in a way that allowed me to know my son before his birth. No one will ever be able to convince me that it didn’t work because he looked at me over men speaking when he was born.
I know this is a coincident but I love the fact he is playing with castles, knights and dragons and speaking for them in different tones right now. It makes me wonder if he understood far more about the story Eragon that I realized…..
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
That’s awesome Aaron.
I choose to believe your son talks to dragons and the like, because of the stories you read to him.
Thanks Daniel –
I like to believe it.
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
we need to work to change this misconception. Fathers have a huge role to play during the pregnancy (as you’ve so eloquently shown.)
No less than I would have expected of you Aaron. The instinctive knowledge that a father has as important a role in his child’s well being as the mother has from the day a pregnancy is confirmed. Reading a book is a fantastic way to go about it or just general chit chat in a calm voice.
Xander has proved that a baby can bond with both parents as long as recognition is there, and you made sue of that. You may consider yourselves lucky after trying fr a baby for so long but Xander fell on his feet too with such exceptional parents.
David,
I knew I did not want to spend 9 months feeling useless. It was the best way I knew how to connect on a daily basis. I believe it made a difference and helped me to connect with my son long before he was born.
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
Yes, there can be a real connection and you’ve proved it. Your point is totally right!
I haven’t been there yet and all I can say is – you’re a great dad to your son and I can easily tell you that he’ll enjoy being with you throughout his life.
You know what to do and I can’t say anything more than that.
Superb post!
Aditya
Aditya,
Thank you! I try to share things about fatherhood that are humorous, heart-warming and sad. I want other fathers (or future fathers) to know that the journey is what makes it worth it. I would not trade a moment of it for anything in the world.
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
This is absolutely beautiful. Thanks Aaron.
thank you for asking me to share my story, I hope it is an inspiration to some future fathers and they discover that they can bond with their child long before they are born.
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
Love this post, Aaron! I absolutely believe fatherhood begins in pregnancy. Being a Father is about being a good parent to your child, and about being a good partner to your wife, too. Reading during pregnancy is a way to do both.
Stephanie at Bundoo
Stephanie,
Looking back I can say it is one of my fondest memories of our pregnancy. It was a that my wife and I shared in an experience. She looked forward to me reading as much as I did reading it to them. In fact, there was more than one occasion that she would fall asleep and ask me to repeat part of the story the next night.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
I agree 100% with this post. I remember my son responding the exact same way to my husband right there in the delivery room. It’s pretty amazing!
Martha,
It was so much fun reading to my son. I believed it was worth it before the birth of my son but when he was born it made it even more special.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
Thanks for sharing this Aaron.
I had a similar desire to be involved in the pregnancy in some way too. I didn’t read aloud to my daughter, but I did put my face near my wife’s stomach and talk to her almost every day. (Also, at night my wife and I would sit together on the the couch; she’d fall asleep and I’d rest my hand on her stomach to feel my daughter move and kick while I watched the Daily Show. It was a routine I cherished.)
We ended up being faced with an emergency C-section, which meant that I was alone with my daughter a lot in the first couple hours of her life. It was clear in how she responded to me that she knew who I was. That was one of the most amazing moments in my life.
I also sang to my son, talked to him and “tried” to be a part of his unborn life as much as possible. I can today he is such a daddies boy it’s not even funny…lol
He will follow me around and want to “help” me do everything. He insisted on wearing boots like I wear. He wants to go places with me. I am sure that part of the reason is all the time I spent with him before he was born. It helped us to make a life long bond.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
That is so touching and sweet. Of course he knew you were his daddy before he was even born. Your love was evident in your actions from the beginning. Nice choice on the book, too
P.S. Xander is one lucky little boy to have two parents who love him with equal fervor.
Amberr,
Thank you my friend!
It is still one of favorite series of books. I am looking forward to the time I will be able to sit and read them to him again. He still isn’t quite old enough to appreciate them (or sit for that long).
I am sure that it helped make a huge difference and helped us to establish a father/son relationship before he was born.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
I love it! I think you should start being a father right at the beginning. Of course, one way to do this is caring for the mother. My poor husband was fetching peaches in the middle of the winter and ice cream every night for about two months. What a great guy!
Kenna,
Agreed! I wish all men would take the active interest in their children and spouses during pregnancy. Unfortunately many men do not and society suffers from it. The best thing I can do is try to show my son the correct things to do and hope he goes forward in life sharing with others.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
I think fatherhood can begin even before conception: fathers can at least begin planning out how they’re going to afford a child, how they’re going to create a nursery, and how they’re going to be able to take care of their wives during pregnancy.
But I definitely like the idea of fathers thinking about being fathers sooner rather than later. What a difference that can make to their kids.