Should Children Believe In Santa?
Magical Moments
Santa Knows What You Want For Christmas!
The innocence of youth is a beautiful thing. Children are able to keep things simple and can compartmentalize life into simple ideas and beliefs. It is relatively easy for them to believe in magic, elves and Santa Claus. It is only as we get older that we lose the ability to simplify life so easily which makes being a child during the holidays so much fun.
It doesn’t matter where a child lives because there are adults in the world who are willing to help children believe in Santa Claus.The world is full of the magic of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nikolaus and Pere Noel. As parents, we want our children to grow up but not too fast. We help to convince our children that Santa is real. The belief of Santa can help children experience the holidays with excitement, wonder and merriment.
Adult Realities and Santa
I wish that all adults could remember the simple things that made us happy when we were children. The other day my wife took our little boy out to lunch. While she was sitting at the table with our son she could hear two older women talking about their grandchildren and the holidays. My wife only became concerned when the women started talking about Santa and our three-year-old son wanted to hear the conversation.
The conversation took a turn for the worst because the two women started to talk about how Santa wasn’t real and the holidays meant nothing to them. My wife started talking to our son loudly. Melissa thought she could “drown” out the women’s conversation about Christmas.
The two women continued to speak louder about how believing in Santa was irrational. Melissa knew she had to somehow stop their conversation before our son actually heard any of it. She pushed her full cup of tea off the table into the floor. The two older women stopped talking when the cup hit the floor and splashed liquid towards them. The pause in their conversation allowed my wife to quietly ask them to stop discussing Santa (considering they were both grandmothers you would think they knew better).
Children Grow Up
Sadly, every child will grow up and Santa will lose some of his luster. Somewhere between the ages of 5 and 8 most children discover the truth and life becomes a little less magical for them. Since, we are parents of only one child, I don’t look forward to the day that my son discovers the truth.
I recall when I was little and discovered that Santa really didn’t know if I was naughty or nice. I remember listening to the whispers of children talk about him while I was in first and second grade. Children would debate and sometimes argue whether or not Santa was fact or fiction. The discussions would always concern wanting to understand the truth.
I also can remember feeling sad about the loss of Santa Claus. It helped when my parents explained how Santa helped make the holidays more fun for children. They wanted me to understand that he represented an idea of giving and sharing with others. It was my responsibility to do the same during the holiday season and become more like Santa.
Spirit of the Season
Excitement Means Christmas Morning!
It concerns me about my son’s perception on lying to him about Santa. I know that we have emphasized how important it is to tell the truth. As parents, we then do the opposite and lie about Santa being real. It helps me when I remember we are not doing any long-term damage to our son. I do think that by allowing him to believe in Santa we are teaching him about The Spirit of Christmas.
If I asked a variety of people what does The Spirit of Christmas mean to them I would receive a variety of answers. Everyone has their own idea of what the Spirit of Christmas means. One common answers is that it is a general feeling of goodwill and a giving spirit to others. I believe Santa Claus represents these positive qualities.
Overall, it doesn’t matter if a parent decides to encourage children to believe in Santa or not. I think if believing in Santa helps my son relate to having a giving spirit when it comes to others I will help him to believe for as long as possible.
The holidays are a magical time of the year. Do you think it is okay to lie to our children about Santa? If your child no longer believes in Santa how old were they when they stopped believing? How old were you when you discovered Santa wasn’t real? Tell me more in the comments!!
You can read my last post here: Is It Fair A Child Has No Siblings? If you like this post you can follow me on my facebook fan page, Dadblunders.
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Tags: child experience, excitement, holidays, santa claus
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I never believed in Santa Claus during Christmas, but the “magic” of Christmas was never lost to me. My mother, and I respect her for this greatly, has not lied to me.
I firmly believe that the truth is best, and will not “kill” any joy. I read books with Santa, enjoyed movies with him. Still do to this day. Knowing he isn’t “real” has no barrings on anything for me. Christmas is a wonderful time of year, and my kids love it even now. They know nothing about Santa.
(They are 2 and 3(almost 4))
I do not want my kids to get the impression it’s okay to lie just to make life “seem” sweeter. And to be okay with lying, to get them to be extra good this time of year. They should be good all year round.
Sarah,
I totally understand where you’re coming from about Santa. I take the stance that every parent is different and it is a personal choice about what they teach on Santa.
I know for us it’s all about the magic of Santa. I believe it helps to teach about the spirit of giving in a simplified manner for a child.
The lying has bothered me some but I try to remember that most people tell little white lies all the time. We use them to save another person’s feelings or just to make someone feel better….
Aaron
Thanks so much for the opportunity to comment. I can make a few observations. My viewpoint is influenced partly by my training and study in Design of Interventions.
One thing to note is that children are not grownups. While this might seem obvious or seem like a pedantic point, I think it’s important to bring up. When we grownups use terms, we tend to think of their meanings and definitions solely in terms of what they mean in the world of adult interaction. So, “lie” when it comes to talking to grownups, has a clear meaning to us. It both denotes and connotes that you are intentionally deceiving somebody. There’s an automatic assumption that you do so for some ill purpose, such as self gain–although we all allow that some times when it might be justified, such as when it’s for the other person’s own good (this is where the aspect of Intervention Design enters in). Children, however, are not grownups. We’re not treating them as grownups. We’re conditioning them, training them, teaching them, encouraging them, directing them, giving them freedom and allowing them to discover and learn by mistakes–all the kinds of stuff we do for kids. We have both the standing and duty to do so (more I.D. viewpoint). I think it’s helpful (read:best) to view “Santa” and “lie” in this context.
Another important, related point: As kids grow up we gradually change how we treat them. We talk differently. Control differently. Simplify more while young, and less when older. Give more responsibility and make more demands as they grow older. We do it this way because we think it works. But there is sometimes disagreement about what sort of progressing and evolving treatment works best. To do this, I’d point out 1.You need to know your child and his/her particular needs 2. It’s wise and prudent to get good advice from experts about child development and even a psychologist if needed. 3.) Accept that it’s partly and art and you’ll make mistakes–you’re learning how to be a parent as your kid grows up–but learn from your mistakes 4.)Know that there will be inflection points–punctuation moments when something is learned, a new phase is entered, treatment needs to change. 5.) Know that what worked for you when you were a kid, and what gives you the warm fuzzy feeling, may or may not be best for your kid. Your kid might be different. Things might have changed. Things are sure different now than when *I* was leaving pumpkin pie and milk out for Santa.6.) Know that unexpected things will happen. But then, you already know that!
How did my parents handle the Santa question with me? They let me put out pie and milk for Santa. In the morning it would be gone. And there were presents under the tree. Eventually I figured out who was eating the pie and drinking the milk. And by extension, where the presents were coming from.
Did I feel deceived an lied to?
Not that I recall. At least, not in a bad way. I knew that they did this because they loved me.
And that’s one way in which the difference in a child’s mindset enters in. I don’t know about your child, but when I was little I wasn’t going around noting and resenting that people were lying to me. I was thinking about other stuff. Such as paper airplanes and marbles and where is this place called “Urup” that my sister was learning about in 8th grade? So if my parents were “lying to me” about Santa, I wasn’t damaged by it. Far from it. It told me they loved me. Come to think of it, it was probably an antidote for some other things that DID damage me, things that made me wonder at other times if they did love me (Dad, in particular)
So I would view Santa as one of many pieces in the picture that communicate to your children that you love them.
If something happens and the Santa piece falls out of the picture, that’s okay, there are other ways of demonstrating and communicating that you love them. Hopefully you do those, too.
Feeling loved is good for you while you’re growing up.
I do think that people who worry about Santa being “a lie”–if they’re worried about its effect on all kids–have a misplaced concern.
I also think it’s possible to be too concerned about “preserving the magic.” Yes, it’s great to see kids’ eyes light up when they see Santa. You have to ask yourself if you’re extending & preserving the magic of Santa for the child’s sake, or if there’s some reward in it for YOU. And what’s best?
How to handle the situation in the diner where the insensitive grandmas were trashing Santa? Big topic. Thanks for the story. I’ll try to include something about it in my book on Design of Intervention.
So, while in
Great comments! Being a social worker with an emphasis on children and families I realize that lying to a child has no true meaning. When a child says somethings that it’s true they actually are making an observation that they don’t want it to be true (and in their young mind they can see it that way). Most children don’t begin to grasp the concept of purposeful lying until age 4 to 5 (some even a little older).
Like I mentioned in my post I know that my son won’t have any ill effects from believing in Santa Claus or the little white lies we tell. Childhood and the simplicity of it is a fleeting experience. We work hard to allow my son to stay young for as long possible but grow up at the same time.
Aaron
Boo Grandmas! I loved Heather’s comment about Hawaii and the sun and sand. When I was 7, we moved to San Diego from Muskegon, Michigan. Talk about weird! Santa wore Bermuda shorts, sunglasses, had girls with hula skirts (they should have been in Hawaii!) and I vaguely remember playing croquet outside with my cousins, wearing a wig, 2 guinea pigs cavorting around, before we all piled into the family sedan for a trip to Tijuana for a festive Christmas Taco, while the grownups got smashed on those .10 cent Dos XX beers!
Talk about surrealist. I think that was about my last year of believing in Santa. Seriously, Santa does cross cultures. When I worked at Verizon, I was training on a Mainframe application with a hilarious guy from southern India, Hari Venugopal. It was getting around the holidays, and he was talking about how much he missed Christmas in India. Intrigued, I asked him about it. Boy, did I get some stories. Christmas is lurid in India. Everybody’s Santa. Even the Elephants. All lights, all musics, presents, food, cookies, Bollywood-style, all the time. The way he told it, made it funnier. “Who is Santa?” “Rama. Whoever.” Santa is pretty non-specific, in the Hindu way I guess. Believe, don’t believe. It is. Just give. I loved it.
Mary,
Santa is is found in many cultures and known by many different names. Personally, I have no problem with a Santa in Bermuda shorts. I think it gives him character (and reminds me of warmer weather)! Who knows maybe he should consider moving his operations to the equator….
Aaron
Aaron,
This is a great post. The other night, JC and I watched “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” which was hilarious. The boy in the movie, Justin is about 7 and still believes in Santa. There are several earnest conversations between Justin and his friend, Bobby about Santa and what Santa does, where he lands his sleigh and it’s all handled quite deftly. This is a great little movie for you all to watch when Xan gets a bit older. What caught me by surprise, is the very thing you mentioned, “is it a lie?” I, truth-teller and so rigid about it, say no. This is a magical time for kids and like childhood, it is all too short. Years from now, Xan isn’t going to think about the fact that you led him on about Santa, he’s going to think about the fact that your lovely wife, Melissa, went to so much trouble to allow him that little bit of a dream for a while longer. That’s pretty special, isn’t it? Mary
Mary,
I have seen that movie on the family channel. It is a funny, great family movie to watch. Now as for classics I always enjoy Miracle on 34th Street from 1947 or it’s A Wonderful Life from 1946. I agree with you about childhood should be as magical as possible. In helping my son believe in Santa I am instilling creativity, a sense of goodwill and a sense of magic. I think it is all worth the effort.
Aaron
We have two girls, ages 4 and 6, and we both firmly believe that they should remain children as long as possible. This means instilling responsibility and grown up values early, but it also means teaching them how to have fun and enjoy life. Part of that is believing in things like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. What’s the harm anyway? I think there is none. When I realized the truth about Santa, at about age 10 (I think), I never felt any resentment toward my parents. It’s about good parenting. If you lie to your kids often and they find out, or you break lots of promises, then of course finding out Santa isn’t real will break their heart just as all the other let downs did.
Sandy,
I agree with you. Overall, children grow up far too fast today. The best thing any parent can do is allow them to do what they do best, to be a child. They shouldn’t have to worry about all of the adult responsibilities we have. As i have stated, we all tell little white lies at some point in our lives. I think it is the degree of what we are lying about and the intent behind it that matters most.
Aaron
This is an interesting question. I have an opinion that is not entirely popular and I’m not an expert on psychology. For my standpoint, I do not emphasize Santa with my children because we view Christmas as a Christian tradition. That being said, I do not prohibit other people from telling my children about Santa Claus but Santa does not play a big part in our Christmas traditions. When I was younger, I grew up in Hawaii with no snow or chimneys. Many traditions surrounding Santa were something I questioned at 5 years old because I often wondered how Santa got in our house with no chimney. It’s a matter of perspective and tradition. My parents would just say that Santa was like a creature part of God and embodied the Christmas spirit which is a season of love and giving to your fellow man. For me personally I don’t really see the need to influence my child’s behavior with the promise of being on Santa’s nice or naughty list. So with that I do not emphasize Santa Claus nor try to perpetuate or explain Santa with my children at all.
Heather,
I appreciate your comments and your viewpoint. As I stated in the post every parent is different and I believe Santa and your children is a very personal decision. The main reason we actually went the Santa route is because our parents did for us and it instilled a sense of giving to others. I would never tell another child they have to believe in Santa but I would discourage them from telling a younger child not to believe.
Aaron
P.S. An Hawaiian Christmas sounds wonderful right now! I am not overly fond of the cold….lol
I still believe in Santa…though I know, he is not REAL!!! Hahaha! Great article, buddy! Thanks for writing this!
Keith,
Thank you so much!
I am 43 year-old (as of today and writing this) and i still believe. Santa is a compilation of many people helping others. The idea of Santa will always be alive as long as someone believes.
Aaron
I know a few adults who resent their parents not letting them believe in Santa! Here’s an excellent explanation from a Dad when he was asked about Santa: http://imgur.com/a/KeGIJ
Writing
Pad Dad
Justin,
Thank you for sharing that letter. I truly enjoyed and bookmarked for future reference.
Aaron
I just don’t get the whole lying issue… of course we want to be straight with our kids, but sometimes (this is a great time) its best to bend it a little. And since there is a little bit of Santa in all of us, it’s not really lying.
John,
Lots of people get totally bent up over the lying issue. It isn’t my favorite thing to do but I always remember people tell little white lies all the time. We use them in all sorts of situations to save another persons feelings. I think “sometimes” a lie is better than the truth if it saves someones feelings out of good intentions (yes, I know there are always people that will question the motive)….lol
Aaron
Hi Aaron
There’s definitely nothing wrong with our kids believing in Santa. It’s not really lying, as you say it’s more about promoting a spirit of giving.
I’m not religious at all but that doesn’t mean the message gets lost.
To get around the chimney issue of Santa, we have a small ceramic ornament fireplace that my wife brings out each Christmas. Santa can then magically come out in any room of your choosing! It’s magic you see.
Tim,
I love the ceramic ornament fireplace idea! We circumvent that by telling our son that Santa is a master of getting in and out of places and who are we to question his magic? It seems to work thus far.
Aaron