Worry – Making A Better Parent
Don’t let life get you down!
Life
Everyday people worry. They stress over the small things in life; e.g. what they are going to wear to work, what they will make for dinner, or what movie they will go see that night.
Other people might have a major life event they stress about; e.g. how to pay the bills, can I keep my home, or can I afford my medicine.
Everyone worries about something. We tend to lose our self’s in the details. It’s natural, and it can become healthy for people to worry as long as it’s not taken to excess.
Parents Stress
Even I get anxious about things. I have a parents worries. The moment we have a child we give our heart and our soul to a greater plan. We have to trust and believe that everything will be okay from day-to-day.
No matter how much I think everything will be okay, I become concerned about my son and his well-being. Nobody told me how much I would worry as a father.
My son didn’t come to my wife and I easily. It took us years and a fertility specialist to have him. Having him took an emotional toll on me that puts my life in a very different perspective.
I understand that having a child is a risk. It is a risk because we never know what is going to happen from one day to the next.
5 things I worry about
1. Myself - As a father, I have days I worry that I am not a good enough parent. I think I need to do more for my son and become a better parent.
2. Spoiled - As a father, I have days that I worry that I do too much for my son, and he could become spoiled and over indulged.
3. Illness - If my son has any sneezes, coughs or fevers they always give me a chill too. I always worry about the colds severity even though I know they are a normal part of growing up.
4. Safety - I have always listened for the bumps in the night, but now I listen with new intensity. I haven’t slept deep one time since the day my son was born and I have doubts I ever will again.
5. Control - The first time you drop your child off at friends, grandparents, school or any place that you can’t see them 100% of the time will be when you worry the absolute most. You will have no control and discover that you never had any control power to control.
Parents are different
Mothers tend to become vocal and will say out loud they worry about their children. Men, on the other hand, generally are silent and don’t acknowledge their fears.
Society has told men that we are not supposed to have fears about our children and should keep them suppressed. I think that when we do not acknowledge our fears we are doing ourselves and our children a disservice. Some stress is healthy and good as long as we are able to manage it.
Managing worry and stress is not hard. It’s our ability to realize that you worry about things and deciding you are not going to let it run your life. I do become anxious about my son, but I don’t let it take over my life. I have chosen to do a few things to help me manage my stress.
4 Ways to manage stress
1. Socialize - Whenever I know I am getting anxious or overly worried I make an effort to have people around me. I might talk about what is bothering me, or I might just be around other people, either way is a win for me, and I generally feel better.
2. Exercise - Swimming is one of the exercises that I like and I can do with ease. If I am feeling stress, I will jump in the pool and do laps. The endorphins released while I am exercising promote a feeling of happiness and well-being.
3. Meditation - Having a three-year-old son meditation is a little harder to do now but in the past I have enjoyed doing meditation. I will sit in the floor in a yoga position totally still and not move, taking deep, shallow breaths. I have found that the ability to control my breathing has helped regulate my emotional state in the past.
4. Journal - I have kept a journal since I was about 15 years old. I enjoy writing, and during my most emotional times I will pick up a pen (I am old fashion that way) and let my emotions flow.
A little worry is okay!
Stress Free Life
As a father, I know that I am always going to worry some. It’s what I decide to do with that stress and how I choose to use it that makes all the difference in my life.
I can choose to let it consume me, or I can choose to work with it and learn from it. If I want to become a better parent, I need to practice allowing my child to grow-up and realizing I can’t control everything in his life and learn that everything will be okay from day-to-day.
Everyone has worries and everyone stresses. Do you think it’s okay worry about their children openly? Do you worry a lot? How do you deal with your worries? Be sure to tell me in the comments!
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Be sure to check out Andi-Roo at TheWorld4Realz who is writing about a month of controversy in the A to Z +1 August blogging challenge with me! Today is the letter “W” for Worry – Making A Better Parent!
Tags: different perspective, emotional toll, intensity, parents, severity
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Worrying about your children is fine but it’s best done openly and shared with people who may be able to give you some perspective. The one no-no is to worry about them vocally in front of them. There are two reasons for this.
1. Either you’ll start the child worrying too so that they don’t ever do what it was you worry about. ie Play football. or
2. The little monsters will save it up to use as blackmail. “I’m just going to play football Mum.” ” Oh don’t do that son, have an ice cream instead.”
Think of parenthood as a journey from the day you start caring for your child to the day they start caring for you.During that journey there will be many battles for control, few of which you’ll win as the younger mind always proves the most agile. Start waving goodbye to your independence now.
David,
I so agree never to worry in front of your child. I know that Xander would so use it as blackmail against me at a future date! He is far to sharp as it is and I don’t know need to give him any more ideas than he already has….sigh
Aaron
I used to be a huge worry wart when it came to my kids. I have noticed as they have gotten older that it has definitely eased up quite a bit. My husband tends to worry a lot more than me. He wants to take them to the doctor every time they cough or sneeze. Worrying is okay though, because it shows we care!
I do worry about things but I tend not to let my son know. I also refuse to let any of get to me. I find it’s much better to let go of any of things that are bothering me. It helps me to stay motivated and keeps me focused throughout the days.
Aaron
As a father of three daughters you pretty much nailed it (though mediation should probably be “meditation”.
Thanks Ben….
I even knew how to spell meditation but sometimes you read something over and over and just can’t see it. I think for sure this one of those times…sigh….
Aaron
I need a better way to relieve my stresses. Exercising more would benefit me greatly.
Exercising always seems to help me when I get overly stressed. I used to enjoy running in the early morning but I don’t have that luxury as much as I used to. I opted for something else I liked to do and can share with my son at times, swimming.
I have a YMCA membership and they have a daycare that I can take advantage of while I do a few laps. He gets to socialize with other kids and I get to unwind. I also have been taking him to the pool with me and teaching him to swim so all around its a win/win situation for us. I highly recommend exercising as a way of helping to relieve stress.
Aaron
I think it is natural to worry about the people you care about, your children being paramount. The important thing is that you control your worry and not the other way around. A little worry can keep us vigilant and make us better parents. Too much can cripple us, rendering us ineffective parents and people.
I agree that some worrying is absolutely natural. It’s that extreme end that can get us in trouble. I especially never want my son to know I worry about things. I know the moment I did he would find a way to use it against me. He is always looking for loopholes in things I have said….sigh
Aaron
If you’re a parent, I think you naturally worry. Comes with the territory. As they grow older, our worry just changes. I talk my worries out. I have to or I’d be a mess. My oldest is 21 so it’s easy to talk to her about my concern for her, like if she’s sick and that kind of stuff. In a way, as they get older you know they’re doing well, and it’s not the same as when they were 4 or 5 yrs old.
Mimi,
I try my best to talk my worries out when I have them. I know since this is our only child and the only one we will have it makes it a little more difficult on me at times. I try my best not to be over protective though and let him grow up experiencing as much of life as he can (age appropriate of course)
Aaron
I have daughters, and we home-schooled them. We also moved far away from family, so it was years before we would leave them with a babysitter for a few hours to take a date. Luckily, we were always good at having dates at home with wine and chocolate.
They become teenagers, and then you find yourself not going to sleep until you know they are safely home. Now I have one getting married next April…and another wanting to go to college on the East Coast. We are parents…we will be protective until our last breath even when they leave the home. Gets magnified when you see them making decisions that may not agree with your own…and you have to support them regardless.
Ah, but it is a joy, also!
Brian,
I agree with you 100%! I don’t think we ever tend to quit worrying. It doesn’t matter if our children are a newborn or 50-years-old they will still always be our children. It’s part of human nature to care about the people we love. I wouldn’t want it any other way myself.
Aaron