Quitting Normal as a Dad
Quitting normal is a cowboy hat and boots!
Life Lessons
Conformity is Expected
According to Merriam Webster, normal is where you conform to a type, standard or regular pattern. In my opinion, people try to hard to find normalcy in life. People can go their whole life without ever knowing what it is to stand out in a crowd. If you are a father, you will quickly learn that the world has a preconceived notion of who we are. Society expects us to adhere to certain rules and standards. Fatherhood has become a role that a man plays only when asked or told to. Society has given us a role where men have become indifferent to placing family first. Forbes just published an article, “More Stay-At-Home Dads are Only Half a Victory” stating that being a stay-at-home dad is on the rise. The article goes on to state that the number of stay-at-home dads is still low compared to mother’s. According to Forbes even though the number is on the rise it isn’t that impressive. They point out that some of the main reasons a father chooses to stay home is because of finances and work burnout.
Learning Opportunities
In quitting normal I have taken a few lessons from my parents. I grew up in a typical home of the 70′s and 80′s . My father worked all the time and my mother didn’t start work until I began school. My father was never home as I was growing up. He missed many events in my life. My dad wasn’t always there for the bad things or the good things. We did have father and son talks but they were not the norm, they were rare and far between. Now my father has stated it was a mistake for him not to spend more time with me. He has even told me not to make the same mistakes with my son. Being a social worker has given me the opportunity to talk to other children and men about fatherhood and what it means to them. My interaction with families has shown me that it is still expected for fathers only to become part-time participants in family. Fathers and children have stated they wanted more daily interaction with each other. The reasons for lack of interaction varies, e.g., finances, time, other family members.
Be comfortable with who you are!
Quitting Normal
As a father, quitting normal is my normal. I don’t want to become a role model for my son that allows others to dictate what I have to do as a man or a father. I am a stay-at-home dad because I have that option. It isn’t out of finances or because I have to. It’s because I love my son and want too.
1. Listen to your heart - If you know it’s wrong don’t do it. If you know it’s right do it. People have told me pink is a girl’s color. In actuality, pink was the accepted norm for a baby boy until the 1940′s and baby blue was for girls. I like pink and I will continue to wear pink shirts.
2. Don’t always worry - People will always find ways to make someone feel inferior. Quitting normal is wearing my cowboy boots, cowboy hat and big belt buckle. I have had people stare at me and make comments because I am wearing them. I never let it bother me and I always remember at least I have their undivided attention.
3. Be happy - Happiness is what you make it. Don’t let others tell you what it takes to feel happy. I am a stay-at-home dad and take care of my son (out of love.) It makes me happy. Society doesn’t dictate what will make me happy. I won’t give it that much power.
I think Forbes might have it wrong in their article. They believe the main reason men are becoming stay-at-home dads is because of burn-out or finances. I think they are over thinking it. It could be as simple as some people like being different. They like quitting normal!
Rules are in place for a reason. We have rules to keep balance. I have no problem with rules and following rules. Society goes further and gives us roles and we follow them. Are you a conformist? How do feel about society telling you what to do?
Be sure to check out Andi-Roo at TheWorld4Realz who is writing about a month of controversy in the A to Z +1 August blogging challenge with me! Today is the letter “Q” for Quitting Normal.
A special thanks to The Daddy Complex for bringing the Forbes article to my attention!
Thursday August 23rd - Dads of Divas has me featured in their series Dads in the Limelight! Check it out!
Tags: belief system, cowboy hat, fatherhood, normalcy, stay at home dads, stay-at-home dad
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AaronAaronAaronAaron,
I absolutely loved this post! Can you tell how excited I got? Seriously, my father was my primary care-taker and he brought me home from the hospital. I may have told you all of this. He did this initially out of economic necessity, but he genuinely enjoyed my company and was a wonderful friend. Now, I’m going to turn this on it’s head. My dad was alcoholic. Not mean and he always had a job. If you’ve delved into any more of my posts, some of my life’s history tells about some of it, but it’s sad, as most of these stories are. The good part is, he was as good as he could be. He was my father and he loved me. I was his only child. Xan is a most fortunate son and you are such a sterling man, Aaron. I am just so happy to know you. When I think of people such as you and Andi-roo and Amberr here in the world, I know it will be alright. I know there is much that is mean.
I know too that you’re staying home to be a full-time dad is a choice and I really think that is something special. It is something that Xan will look back on and forever look at with wonder. That and your had and cowboy boots. Normal is blah. Normal is way over-rated. Myself? I think you cut quite a picture. I wanted to say something about the mutton-chop sideburns, too. I think they go especially well with your ensemble. You would be practically invisible here in Tampa. Mary <3
Normal is way over-rated Mary!!! I am just not sure what I would do with normal in my life anymore….I can’t even talk normal. I enjoy saying ya’ll ….lol….and I actually try my best to delve into everyone posts and having a 3-year-old son only gives me so much time….sigh….I will say this too it would be so much easier if we were in the same tribe in triberr…I never see your posts…which is a shame…I have only been catching them through twitter and I don’t like that…its the same with Orin (Blogger Father right above you) it makes it difficult to read the people you want to everyday ……I have discovered I am old and i need reminded to go and look at them….sigh…I don’t like getting old….facts of life suck….
Aaron
Hey, I’m all for quitting normalcy and doing what you want, generally, but GET THE BOOTS OFF THE COUCH!!!
Shhhhhh…….don’t tell Xan!!!!! I am always telling him to keep them off i had to get these pictures done when he wasn’t here and pretty dang quick to boot (pun intended) ……. and yes you caught me i am guilty,,,,what should be my penance for it?
Aaron
This is a great post Aaron. Not only does it show that fathers can be great care takers but they can do it for reasons other than financial. I’m sure your partner was a major participant in the choice and is happy to be working and then spending time with Xander when she gets home.It’s very much a reversal from the norm but that’s what makes it great.
We have to conform to certain things and I accept that. Rules.laws are there for a reason and if they’re wrong we get them changed, but the rules are not there to crush individuality. Be yourself is the best advice you can give anyone.
Like you I wear sideburns though probably for a different reason. I like the style of the Victorian and Edwardian eras. I wear waistcoats much of the time ( vests) and a frock coat when I can. This is accepted where I live because they know me and know I’m individual but it can grab attention on occasions elsewhere. I think there’s no style anymore, having seen the latest fashion for jeans that show next weeks washing, but though it doesn’t suit me, they are different rather than conformist.
Xander may not follow your example of standing out when he becomes older but he will always appreciate why you did, and love you for it as he’ll love the act he’s had a father to talk to and play with.
I admire you greatly as a man making this stand and as a father for how you are with Xander..
Thank you David!
LOL…My son already stands out! I can tell you when I was that age i didn’t have near the confidence Xander has. It hasn’t been until much later in my life that I acquired what he has now. So, I don’t if he gets it from me or not because he definitely wants people to notice him.
I also wanted to say thank you David for the Baker’s Dozen Award …as soon as this A to Z is over and I am not such a tight schedule I plan on doing it! But I wanted to mention that i did it read and I thank you that you would even consider or think of me for it….
Aaron