Let’s be honest here, we all do it, we disagree and we argue with people we love. We are human and we are going to have a difference of opinion at some point. Arguing is a fact of life. It’s the way we argue and what we say that makes all the difference.
Before my wife and I had children one of the discussions we had was about arguing in front of any “future” children we might have. We both knew that our arguments, like most people’s, can become heated. We made a decision that it was okay for our children to see us argue (to a point) but otherwise she would always be known as marvelous mom and I am a devoted dad (see devoted dad)
Being a father is knowing that my son loves his mother. A young child begins their life believing that mom and dad are both hero’s. I have a responsibility to make sure that my son continues this belief. I never want him to think he doesn’t have a marvelous mom.
As a father, if you are going to argue with your child’s mother, try to remember a few simple things to help your child know they are loved by both parents. Remember that your child is always listening and learning from what you do.
Putting Your Child First
1. Think – All children have a mother. In the eyes of a child it doesn’t matter, how mad you are about what she might have, could have or would have done. All they know is what you tell them and they will take those beliefs throughout their lives.
2. Listen – Try listening to what your child will hear you say. You might be upset because something wasn’t done the way you wanted but all your child hears is your yelling and any name calling you might be doing.
3. Look – We all get mad but how many times do you actually look to see who is in the room before you speak? Taking that extra second to make sure that your child isn’t around might just allow them to have a marvelous mom for one more day.
4. Count - The next time your mad at “marvelous mom” count to ten before you say one word. The momentary pause you have while counting can help change your agitated state. It can help you to breathe a little slower and possibly stop you from saying something that a child might hear.
5. Smile – You always have the option of just smiling and letting the other person be angry. The more you don’t react the more likely that the argument will end sooner and you can talk rationally out of a child’s sight.
As a social worker I have heard many father’s say their children have a malicious, misguided and miserable mother. I would always remind the fathers that it didn’t matter how they felt. It honestly didn’t matter what might have happened between them and the mother. The only thing that mattered was the children.
I am always the first one to say to a mom to give a dad a chance, many men need it. They can’t be the father they should be without an opportunity. If a man doesn’t take that opportunity it’s something he will regret later in life. It’s something he will wish he could have changed.
I am an equal opportunist and I will also tell father’s to give mom’s a chance. Don’t speak bad about a child’s mom in anger in front of your children. Don’t hold grudges or hate. The actions you do today will directly affect the rest of your child’s life. It will become the guide to their future relationships. The next time you do get mad try to remember why she is a marvelous mom.
Marvelous mom and family
Thinking of Marvelous Mom
My wife is a marvelous mom. I never forget that she is the one that gave birth to our son. She is there to play, laugh and love. She can come home from work tired and still wants to make dinner. As a marvelous mom she may get hurt feeling when our son, sometimes, chooses me over her but she never lets him know. She is my hero, as much as she is my son’s.
Be sure to check out Andi-Roo at TheWorld4Realz who is writing about a month of controversy in the A to Z +1 August blogging challenge with me! Today is the letter “M” for Marvelous Mom!
Tags: being a father
, difference of opinion
, eyes of a child
, marvelous mom