Jabber Jaws – Handbook Revealed

As a father I take my oath to the Father’s Curse Handbook very seriously. I had no idea that when I made a previous reference to the book (see Father’s Curse Revisited or Father’s Curse)  that I would be forced into hiding by the Father’s Curse Handbook Enforcement Patrol. I have been in hiding trying to figure out what my options are and I finally came to the obvious conclusion that I would have to share the secrets of the Father’s Curse Handbook with the world. Since, I am in hiding and being branded as a “snitch” my obvious first choice to discuss from the handbook is “jabber jaws.”

Handbook History

Once a man becomes a father they can look forward to many things, excitement, new ideas and the father’s curse. The father’s curse is as old as the wind. It is a set of rules and guidelines placed forth by father’s to get even with their adult children. In recent memory, the men responsible for the curse have published a handbook to help new father’s to know what to expect. One of the most important guidelines in the latest addition of the handbook is absolute secrecy of it’s contents.

Jabber Jaws Are Important

We are taught from a young age about the importance of being quiet. Unfortunately, teaching a child to use their “inside voice” will always be met with resistance. Young children are nothing more than jabber jaws that believe it is funny to make a father feel the full effects of the father’s curse. They love to talk and make noise when they know it will cause the most problems!

According to the Father’s Curse Handbook Section 14, Paragraph 3, subsection 12, line 8 with a note to see appendix 112

Placement of no talking signage is not optional in places where a small child will talk, yell, sneeze, fart, cough or make any other amplifying noises. The noises should make everyone turn towards the father of the jabber jaws and ask the father a question “where is the child’s mother” and then the person should give the father a look making the father feel inferior.

Silence is Golden

We expect quiet in schools, libraries, movie theaters and just about anywhere that there is a group of people trying to concentrate on various things. The rule “Silence is Golden” and “No talking” signs have all been posted and enforced because of the handbook. The people who originally wrote the book had a sense of humor and knew that young children would not read a notice about noise. They further knew that fathers (who were becoming dumber because of their children) wouldn’t  take the time to read the signs either. They felt that a father and child not reading in this situation would be a winning combination in keeping the curse alive and well.

The handbook is a guideline that is made to make sure that father’s would suffer the same fates that we gave our father’s many years ago. It is impossible for any man to escape the punishment of the curse. It will always be working against father’s with a few minor exceptions(these were all updates in the latest addition of the handbook which was released in 2011)

I am here to try to show the secrets and the mystique of the curse. If nothing else maybe I can get the enforcement patrol to stop trying to find me and allow me to get back to my simple life.

Be sure to check out Andi-Roo at TheWorld4Realz who is writing about a month of controversy in the A to Z +1 August blogging challenge with me! I was a bit late posting but I have a 3-year-old and fatherhood comes first! Today is the letter “J” for Jabber Jaws.

 

Tags: adult children, curse, jabber jaws, resistance