Boredom In A Child
A child’s true look with boredom!
Boredom Is Boring
Child boredom and growing up seem to go together. Whether we like it or not, at some point a child can’t make up their mind and becomes bored. The boredom is partly because we are raising our children to accept things on demand. The current generation of children are learning the word, “instantaneous” and “on demand” through technology and screens. As Dr. Laura Markhan explains (Why Boredom Is Good For Your Child) , the interaction between screens (Ipads, video games systems, cell phones etc.) produces a tiny amount of “dopamine” that releases as we interact with the devices. It gives us a pleasurable sensation and makes other things we do seem not as enjoyable
As a social worker and parent, I know that boredom doesn’t necessarily mean that my child’s bored. When a child starts saying, “I’m bored” it could be as simple as they want our attention. They want to know that you are there for them and acknowledge that they matter. If a child sees you watching television or playing on the phone all the time they could think that those things mean more to us than they do.
Structure for a child is vitally important but so is free time. A child learns many things such as creativity and social skills from unstructured time. Parents have to try to learn the correct balance between structured and unstructured times. We are the ones that can help motivate our children to learn to deal with boredom.
Boredom means choices
Xander now is going through the stage, “Something else.” I have tried to find ways to help with boredom. Being that he is only three-years-old I often give him choices of what to do after discovering he needs guidance.
Xan: Dada, I need something else! (sighs heavily….tapping foot on floor)
Me: What would you like to do Xan? (giving him a chance to solve the problem himself)
Xan: I don’t know! I bored! (He emphasized the word “know”)
Me: Alright Xan, would you like to play with cars, color or I can read a story? (making him decide what he wants to do)
Xan: I want to color! (said with conviction)
Me: Okay. (Xan and I get the crayons and coloring books and place them all in the floor)
Xan: Dada, color with me? Please? (how can I deny the word please?)
A few minutes pass with me coloring and Xan watching. I have asked him different color of things and tried to get him engaged in the activity.
Me: Xan, are you going to color or are you just watching me color? (Wondering if I have sucker written on my forehead? He thinks I don’t know he’s not coloring)
Xan: Dada, do it! I watch! I need something else! (Smiling while he says it)
Child boredom is a hard thing for a parent to deal with. Parents have to learn to engage but be disciplined enough to know when their child is already engaged. I found that coloring wasn’t the right way to get Xander motivated against boredom. We played hide-and-seek instead. Sometimes fatherhood is all about being willing to get up and play too.
1 point Xander for learning the words, “Something Else”, 1 point dada for trying to engage Xander’s imagination, 0 points for a child’s being bored because it’s never an easy lesson to learn.
Be sure to check out Talking About Infertility Isn’t Easy that I wrote for Like A Bump On A Blog!!
Tags: boredom, choices, correct balance, dopamine, free time, guidance, time parents, watching television
I love that you give Xan choices and engage him. Three year olds can be tough cookies to crack with boredom because they need company for most of their activities. At our house, boredom usually happens with my 4 year old because she only has half a day of school and her sister isn’t home to play with. In these cases, I try and get her involved with playing something/making crafts etc and join in because she really does want company. On days when I just can’t (I work from home) I give her choices and give her a time amount to play by herself – i.e. please play for a half an hour and then I can take a break and play with you. On days when my kids just want to be entertained by electronics – which I’m not really a big fan of in the middle of the day – they can find something to do or I’ll help them out by giving them chores so they won’t be bored. It’s amazing how fast they find something to do!
Right now, Xander is going through a phase of its all about dada. I am the favorite and it can be frustrating for me. I always try to remember that it is a phase and soon enough I will wish he would give me the time of day.
It doesn’t matter how much I give him to be engaged alone he wants me to participate. I have tried giving him structured and unstructured time. The hard part about being an older parent is all of the friends we have do NOT have small children to engage our son beyond us. In fact, most of their children are graduating from high school or older. Xander does have one cousin that is the exact same age as him that he plays with often. It has become a major challenge for us because Xan is a very outgoing child.
Aaron
You said, “When a child starts saying, “I’m bored” it could be as simple as they want our attention.” Never have words been more true! Every time Abbie says this to me, what she really means is, “Mom, will you please get off the computer & spend time with me? I don’t know what I want to do, but whatever it is, I want to do it together!” It took me quite some time to figure this out, as I only began staying home with her this past January. It’s fun learning to interpret her needs & wants. I’m so glad I made the decision to be with her — & now that I’m home, I am always quick to stop what I’m doing, even if only for a few minutes, & give her the lovin’s she craves. Once I realized what she meant, I started implementing a timer so that I take breaks from working & turn my focus on her. This has been immensely pleasing to us both.
Its amazing how quickly a child picks up on things. They watch us use the computer, camera, television remote and they associate that these items are more important to us than them. My own son right now has it in his mind that the camera (I love to take pictures) is overly important to me (more so than he is.) I will admit it has put a crimp in me taking as many pictures as I normally do but I listened to what he said. I try to only take pictures right now if he lets me (and it can be frustrating but I never let him see me sweat)
I have explained to him I take pictures so we can remember things later and he LOVES to look at them. He just is going through a stage where he wants me and only me without the camera. I have been getting creative with the camera though to show him my love for photography and trying to teach him some of it as we go. I have found it has helped some and he is now asks me to get the camera (as long as he gets to take a picture or two with my help)
Aaron
Ha haa .. this is so cool, and true.
I face it everyday. My daughter, 4yrs old, tries the same trick on me!
At the cost of sounding like a real old guy, I must say, these weren’t problems when we were kids. Sure, we came from a bigger family, we went out and played with friends without parents permission or them accompanying us to the playground, we didn’t have any devices, we had literally single digit toys half of which were created by us…..
The instant gratification, as you mentioned, is not only a big culprit for kids, it too is bad for everyone. Today everyone has access to excess. Once kid starts seeing a video on YouTube, there is literally zillion videos he can watch. Once I start reading blogs, there are literally thousand blogs I can read (though not all are well written as yours
, and so on…
I know I am not giving any solution, just describing problems … because even I am looking for one.
Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoy my blog. I have changed my writing format slightly since my earlier posts but I still work very hard to engage readers and have some thought provoking conversations in the process. I originally published exclusively on tumblr (I still have a tumblr blog that publishes a lot more personal photos of my son) and when I moved my work to my own site several of my older posts didn’t transfer correctly (to this day I am still fixing older posts to make them correct).
You have touched on the voice of reason and the culprit of responsibility “instant access.” We have come to expect things will be readily available to us but it very easy for anyone to forget life wasn’t always so simple. I know as a father, my son can become so easily bored with everything he does (still). I always fear that his reaction is partially our responsibility. We change the channels on television during commercials, we move to a faster line when we are the store and we even text people instead of using the phone. We teach (not intentionally) that we need to move on to other things quickly.
I believe you have actually given me a start to a follow-up topic for this particular post!
Aaron