Toddler Back Talk
No! I STAY! YOU GO!
Toddler Back Talk Can Be Frustrating
Toddler back talk happens for a number of reasons including frustration, anger and independence. They are just learning how to deal with expressing their feelings and need support from parents on the correct way to respond to others. Parents should try to find out what is bothering their child and see if they can offer solutions for their frustration. You will often find by maintaining a sense of composure your child and you will both be better off.
Maintaining a sense of composure is key. Don’t start arguing with your toddler because you don’t like their response. A child will learn the correct responses by modeling the way you interact with them and others. It is counter productive to automatically say, “You know better than to talk to me like that! You are such a naughty child for saying things like that!”
If a parent starts to hear toddler back talk it is perfectly acceptable for the parent to not say anything. You don’t have to give them what they want or bargain to get better behavior. Ignoring them often sends a strong a message that you won’t tolerate outbursts.
If you are out in public there are times ignoring toddler back talk is not a good option. Try to find a quiet spot and tell your child their behavior is not acceptable. Tell them if they continue their will be consequences. Make sure you tell them the consequences such as no dessert at dinner, early bedtime or missing out on a planned event. Don’t argue with your toddler just tell them that it is not acceptable to talk to you like that and give the consequences. If they continue to act out make sure that you follow through with the consequences.
Parents should work on trying to find out what is behind their toddler back talking. Acknowledge that you understand their frustration or anger and ask them how come they feel that way. You will open a line of communication that will be vital as your child grows older and they will understand that their feelings have value.
Toddler Back Talk Can Be A Challenge
My son is no different from any other toddler. He can and will talk back to me. I know the things I do now are vitally important to help him understand his emotions and what is not acceptable in speaking to others.
Me: Xan, let’s go inside now. It’s to hot out here. (I was sweating)
Xan: NO! I play outside! (turns away from me)
Me: Xander, I understand you want to stay outside but it is to hot and we need to go in to cool down. (hoping the explanation will get him inside)
Xan: NO! YOU GO! I STAY! (starts to walk away)
Me: Xan, if you don’t come inside now so we can cool down you won’t get to go swimming this evening. (calm and rational)
Xan: AHHHH……Alright…… (turns and we both go inside)
Me: Thank you, I appreciate you coming inside. Lets take your shoes and socks off. Your feet are hot and sweaty. (They were also covered in grass)
Xan: No thank you, feet are warm and comfy! (smiling)
Toddler Back Talk Can Be Funny
Sometimes, a parent laughs in the best of situations. I was not expecting his answer and I laughed aloud. I am not sure where he heard “warm and comfy” but he knew a proper, polite answer to give. I was able to get his shoes off after I regained my composure. I will keep working on not laughing when I am talking to him seriously.
1 point Xan for being warm and comfy, 0 points dada for needing more work on his composure, 0 points for toddler back talk!
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Tags: anger, consequence, consequences, correct responses, feelings, frustration, toddlers
It’s clear that your time as a social worker really prepared you to be an awesome dad. I don’t argue with my 6-year-old either. I refuse to get into a power struggle with her that might carry on into the tough teen years.
There are no winners in a power struggle only losers. Social Work has given me some help in being a dad but ultimately I think its a combination of my life experience and social work.
Aaron
Kids need to be guided in the right direction, especially when they are that young.
Children go through different phases while they grow, and along with the child, even the parents go through these trying times when they need to find out what works best with their kids. For each parent it’s a hit and trial method and it all varies on what best suits your child and you. What works for me may not work with you and your child. But yes, the main goal remains that our kids are well disciplined and grow up to be good adults.
When kids back talk or are rude in replying back – it can really hurt. More so when they do such things after they have grown to the age when they can understand everything and still talk in such a manner. With toddlers it’s still alright as you can divert their minds and keep guiding them till they learn to be polite. But yes, if we don’t take care as parents of this factor when our kids are young and let them get away with anything or do as they wish, they land up to be troublesome teens later.
I loved the way you described the conversation with your son and managed things well. I guess diverting or giving him the option of swimming did the trick.
Thanks for sharing.
I have watched far to many parents, as a social work, not say anything to a child that is back talking (of all ages) If a parent never says anything to redirect a child’s emotional responses the child will have a harder time dealing with life.
Aaron
I use humor to get my way. I tell my 7yo, “Girl, you better listen or I’m gonna pop you in the nose!” She laughs cuz obviously this is a huge joke (I’d never punch my sweet babies!), & the good mood tends to shake her out of whatever power struggle was about to ensue. I also threaten to throw her out a window, toss her over a cliff, hang her by her toes from the ceiling fan, make her sleep on the porch, fry her butt for dinner… once I even threatened to make her drink elephant pee. The more creative, the more she laughs. I don’t know if it’s the best approach, but it works for us. I’m not good with being told “NO” so maintaining my cool isn’t an option unless a good joke is involved. Guess I’m not very mature, eh? lolz!!! Oh well, my babies get complimented for being polite so I must not be doing too awfully bad!
Basically Andi,
It’s whatever works for you. In parenting if you find something doesn’t work you adapt and try again. We can only mold so much or our children. They are watching us to live by our examples ….. or monkey see monkey do….Just a basic statement
Aaron