Change is Inevitable

My son is growing up so fast. I look back on the time we have been together and I am always amazed at how quickly the days pass. One day soon I know that he will be grown and he won’t need me that often. I try to enjoy each and every day as an adventure. I want to believe that things I do now with my son will help him be a better man and hopefully a better father.

My son for whatever reason had chosen to call me, “dada.” Most children by age three and half have long since given that up and moved on to saying daddy. I had always considered the name, “Dada” my safety net. It was my personal way of gauging his growth. I am realistic and knew a time would come when my name would change but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I am happy that my son is growing older. I am also very sad that my son is growing older. We only have one child and the prospects of having another are bleak. Just to have one son the amount of time, energy and emotional expense that were placed on my wife and myself were great.

My wife and I took Xander upstairs tonight and he of course tried to slow down the process as much as possible. Tonight though he caught me off guard. I am not easily caught off guard but he has a way of finding just the right thing to say or do.

Me: Okay Xan get in bed. (I am sitting in the rocking chair in his bedroom)

Xan: DADA! Rock me! (starts walking over towards rocking chair)

Me: Alright for a minute.

Xan: Daddy! Sing to me! (crawling up into the rocker)

Me: You want daddy to sing to you? (hiding sad expression)

Xan: Yeah! Daddy sing to me. (smiling)

Me: Daddy will sing too. (sad expression still hidden)

You will often read that men aren’t supposed to be sad or emotional. I happen to know that’s not true. It might be true that we have tendency to try to hide emotions better but we still have feelings. I know tonight I didn’t let my son know I was sad about him confirming that I was daddy and possibly no longer “dada.”

Children have many milestones to get through on their road to adulthood and this was a personal one that I placed for Xander. I don’t know what the morning will bring and if I will still be daddy or dada but I can tell you on July 2nd, 2012 at 9:30 pm my son called me daddy and meant it. Now, I guess I look ahead for him to call me dad.

1 point Xander for being my son, 1 point daddy for allowing Xander to grow up.

Tags: change, daddy, fatherhood, growing up, toddler